I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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