Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
