Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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