I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize