I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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