i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
