i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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