Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
