So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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