Dude my mom stole all your condoms
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
