To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
