last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
