It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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