Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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