that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
FUCK WHALES
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
