Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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