Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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