Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
