The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
