last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
This is my life. Enjoy the view
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize