Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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