Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
