Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
