Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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