I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
