I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
