My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
3 2 1 whiskey
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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