Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(706): View more from Georgia

Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles

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(706): Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles http://tfl.nu/50ki

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(707): View more from California

drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.

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(707): drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs. http://tfl.nu/ujxz

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?

(917): View more from New York City

what kind of party is this?

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

the best kind ever

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(610): can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home? (917): what kind of party is this? (610): the best kind ever http://tfl.nu/ib1r

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(941): View more from Florida

My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.

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(941): My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways. http://tfl.nu/nnm9

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(702): View more from Nevada

Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.

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(702): Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes. http://tfl.nu/674n

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(804): View more from Virginia

IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT

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(804): IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT http://tfl.nu/e7uf

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(859): View more from Kentucky

How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?

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(859): How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom? http://tfl.nu/dl3d

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.

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(504): Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now. http://tfl.nu/h0mp

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(217): View more from Illinois

Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.

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(217): Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty. http://tfl.nu/eut4

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(647): View more from Ontario

My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?

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(647): My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy? http://tfl.nu/waaq

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(303): View more from Colorado

exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".

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(303): exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake". http://tfl.nu/t5lj

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(303): View more from Colorado

I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...

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(303): I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone... http://tfl.nu/cdei

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(857): View more from Massachusetts

His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.

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(857): His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time. http://tfl.nu/a23u

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(716): View more from New York

I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.

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(716): I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed. http://tfl.nu/sc0t

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(310): View more from California

he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party

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(310): he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party http://tfl.nu/v00e

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