Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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