there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
