Duck Duck Cougar?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
