I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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