Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
