We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
