I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i love accidental penises.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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