I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
