My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
