i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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