i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
