Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
As shirtless as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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