just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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