i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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