How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
