Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
