sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
