I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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