3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
