Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Randomize
