I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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