That's intense
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize