your thong is hanging out like whoa
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
