so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
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Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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