I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
