Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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