I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
