Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
