One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
