ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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