Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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