yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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