we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
