I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
