I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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